码农心酸无奈聊以自嘲的59箴言_码农怎样自嘲

59 Hilarious but True Programming Quotes for Software Developers
程序员的 59 条搞笑但却真实无比的编程语录

　　I have collected a lot of programming quotes which are anyhow related to the life of a software developer. These quotes are related to software development maintenance, debugging, software bugs, software design and documentation, code quality, testing and management etc. Below are 59 programming quotes which are hilarious but also true. Only a software developer can understand the worth of these programming quotes. So lets start…
　　我收集了很多编程语录，基本上都跟程序员的生活有关。这些语录涉及软件开发，代码维护，调试纠错，软件bug，系统设计、文档，代码质量，测试和软 件开发团队管理等方面。下面的这59条语录虽然很搞笑，但却真实无比。只有程序员才能理解这些编程语句里的真正内涵。闲言少叙，开始吧…

Software Developers and Programmers Quotes
程序员编程语录

1. A good programmer is someone who always looks both ways before crossing a one-way street. (Doug Linder)
   一个好的程序员是那种过单行线马路都要往两边看的人。(Doug Linder)

2. Don’t worry if it doesn’t work right. If everything did, you’d be out of a job. (Mosher’s Law of Software Engineering)
   程序有问题时不要担心。如果所有东西都没问题，你就失业了。(软件工程的Mosher定律)

3. The trouble with programmers is that you can never tell what a programmer is doing until it’s too late. (Seymour Cray)
   程序员的麻烦在于，你无法弄清他在捣腾什么，当你最终弄明白时，也许已经晚了。(超级计算机之父Seymour Cray)

4. Most of you are familiar with the virtues of a programmer. There are three, of course: laziness, impatience, and hubris. (Larry Wall)
   我想大部分人都知道通常一个程序员会具有的美德。当然了，有三种：懒惰，暴躁，傲慢。(Perl语言发明者Larry Wall)

5. Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live. (Martin Golding)
   编程时要保持这种心态：就好象将来要维护你这些代码的人是一位残暴的精神病患者，而且他知道你住在哪。(Martin Golding)

6. One man’s crappy software is another man’s full time job. (Jessica Gaston)
   一个人写的烂软件将会给另一个人带来一份全职工作。(Jessica Gaston)

7. If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along wound destroy civilization. (Gerald Weinberg)
   如果建筑工人像程序员写软件那样盖房子，那第一只飞来的啄木鸟就能毁掉人类文明。(Gerald Weinberg)

8. The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That’s where we come in; we’re computer professionals. We cause accidents. (Nathaniel Borenstein)
   这世界最有可能毁灭的方式——大多数专家都同意——是次意外。这就是为什么会有我们，我们是计算机专家，我们创造意外。(Nathaniel Borenstein)

9. It’s a curious thing about our industry: not only do we not learn from our mistakes, we also don’t learn from our successes. (Keith Braithwaite)
   我们这个行业有个特别奇怪的现象：不仅我们不从失败里吸取教训，同时也不从成功中学习经验。 (Keith Braithwaite)

10. Once a new technology starts rolling, if you’re not part of the steamroller, you’re part of the road. (Stewart Brand)
    一种新技术一旦开始流行，你要么坐上压路机，要么成为铺路石。(Stewart Brand)

11. If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0 (unknown)
    如果没能一次成功，那就叫它1.0版吧。(unknown)

12. All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors. (Anonymous Hack Actor)
    所有的程序员都是编剧，所有的计算机都是烂演员。(Anonymous Hack Actor)

13. The sooner you get behind in your work, the more time you have to catch up. (Anonymous Scheduler)
    工作进度上越早落后，你就会有越充足的时间赶上。(Anonymous Scheduler)

14. When a programming language is created that allows programmers to program in simple English, it will be discovered that programmers cannot speak English. (Anonymous Linguist)
    当有这样的一种编程语言出现：它能让程序员用简单的英语编程，你将会发现，程序员都开始不会说英语。(Anonymous Linguist)

15. Why do we never have time to do it right, but always have time to do it over? (Anonymous)
    为什么我们没有时间把事情做对，却总有时间把事情做过头？(Anonymous)

16. Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand.
    傻瓜都能写出计算机能理解的程序。优秀的程序员写出的是人类能读懂的代码。

17. Any code of your own that you haven’t looked at for six or more months might as well have been written by someone else. (Eagleson’s law)
    任何你写的代码，超过6个月不去看它，当你再看时，都像是别人写的。(Eagleson’s law)

Programming / Software Development Quotes
编程/软件开发语录

1. Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight. (Bill Gates)
   按代码行数来评估软件开发的进度，就如同按重量来评估飞机建造的进度。(比尔-盖茨)

2. Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. (Michael Sinz)
   软件就像做爱。一次犯错，你需要用余下一生来维护支持。(Michael Sinz)

3. Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen. (Edward V Berard)
   在水上行走和按需求文档开发软件都很容易——前提是它们都是冻结状态。(Edward V Berard)

4. The first 90 percent of the code accounts for the first 90 percent of the development time…The remaining 10 percent of the code accounts for the other 90 percent of the development time.(Tom Cargill)
   最初90%的代码用去了最初90%的开发时间…余下10%的代码用去了另外90%的开发时间。(Tom Cargill)

5. Commenting your code is like cleaning your bathroom — you never want to do it, but it really does create a more pleasant experience for you and your guests. (Ryan Campbell)
   注释代码很像清洁你的厕所——你不想干，但如果你做了，这绝对会给你和你的客人带来更愉悦的体验。(Ryan Campbell)

6. Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning. (Rick Cook)
   如今的编程是一场程序员和上帝的竞赛，程序员要开发出更大更好、傻瓜都会用到软件。而上帝在努力创造出更大更傻的傻瓜。目前为止，上帝是赢的。(Rick Cook)

7. The hardest part of design … is keeping features out. (Donald Norman)
   软件设计最困难的部分…是阻挡新功能的引入。(Donald Norman)

8. In order to understand recursion, one must first understand recursion. (Anonymous)
   为了理解递归，我们首先要理解的是递归。(Anonymous)

9. There are only two kinds of programming languages: those people always bitch about and those nobody uses. (Bjarne Stroustrup)
   世上只有两类编程语言：那些拥有被人诟病的和那些没人用的。(Bjarne Stroustrup)

10. The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit. (Anonymous)
    The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit. (Anonymous)

11. If Java had true garbage collection, most programs would delete themselves upon execution. (Robert Swell)
    如果Java能实现真的垃圾回收，那大部分的程序都会在执行时删除自己。(Robert Swell)

12. In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is. (Jan L. A. van de Snepscheut)
    理论上，理论和实践是没有差异的。但实践中，是有的。(Jan L. A. van de Snepscheut)

13. Ready, fire, aim: the fast approach to software development. Ready, aim, aim, aim, aim: the slow approach to software development. (Anonymous)
    预备，开火，瞄准：这是最快的软件开发方法。预备，瞄准，瞄准，瞄准，瞄准：这是最慢的软件开发方法。(Anonymous)

14. Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science. (Anonymous)
    编程是10%的科学，20%天份，和70%的让这天份符合科学。(Anonymous)

15. It is easier to measure something than to understand what you have measured. (Anonymous)
    评估一个事情要比去理解你评估了什么容易。(Anonymous)

16. Benchmarks don’t lie, but liars do benchmarks. (Anonymous)
    测评不会撒谎，但测评的人会。(Anonymous)

17. Better train people and risk they leave – than do nothing and risk they stay. (Anonymous)
    培养员工，即使他们有跳槽的风险。什么都不做而留他们在公司，这样风险更大。(Anonymous)

18. The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we’ve finished building it. (Anonymous)
    计算机科学的目标是做出一个东西，并且保证它至少能坚持到我们将它开发完成。(Anonymous)

19. Java is to JavaScript what Car is to Carpet. (Chris Heilmann)
    Java之于JavaScript如同Car之于Carpet。 (Chris Heilmann)

20. It’s not at all important to get it right the first time. It’s vitally important to get it right the last time. (Andrew Hunt and David Thomas)
    起初就把事情做对是完全没必要的。但最后要把事情做对是绝对必要的。(Andrew Hunt and David Thomas)

21. Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration. (Stan Kelly-Bootle)
    数组的起始索引应该从0开始还是从1开始？我的0.5的折中提议被他们未经认真考虑到拒绝了——我认为是这样的。(Stan Kelly-Bootle)

22. Programs must be written for people to read, and only incidentally for machines to execute. (Abelson / Sussman)
    程序必须是为了给人看而写，给机器去执行只是附带任务。 (Abelson / Sussman)

23. Programming can be fun, so can cryptography; however they should not be combined. (Kreitzberg and Shneiderman)
    编程可以很有趣，你可以用它做密码学研究，但两者绝对不能合二为一。(Kreitzberg and Shneiderman)

24. Copy and paste is a design error. (David Parnas)
    拷贝-粘贴是一种设计错误。(David Parnas)

25. Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind. (Donald Knuth)
    计算机善于遵循指令，但不善于理解你的思维。(Donald Knuth)

Software Debugging Quotes
软件纠错语录

1. Deleted code is debugged code. (Jeff Sickel)
   删除的代码是没有bug的代码。(Jeff Sickel)

2. If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. (Edsger Dijkstra)
   如果纠错是消除软件bug的过程，那编程一定是把它们放进去的过程。(Edsger Dijkstra)

3. Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are–by definition–not smart enough to debug it.
   代码纠错要比新编写代码困难一倍。因为，如果你写出了最聪明的代码，按此推算，你将没有更大的智慧来debug它。

4. It’s hard enough to find an error in your code when you’re looking for it; it’s even harder when you’ve assumed your code is error-free. (Steve McConnel)
   想在自己的代码里找出一个错误是十分困难的。而当你认为你的代码没有错误时，那就更难了。(Steve McConnel)

Software Bugs Quotes
软件bug语录

1. It’s not a bug – it’s an undocumented feature. (Anonymous)
   这不是个bug——这一个未注明的功能特征。(Anonymous)

2. Without requirements or design, programming is the art of adding bugs to an empty text file. (Louis Srygley)
   没有需求或设计，编程就是一种将bug添加到一个空文本文件里的艺术。(Louis Srygley)

3. Bad code isn’t bad, its just misunderstood. (Anonymous Code Behaviorist)
   烂代码并不烂，只是被误解了。(Anonymous Code Behaviorist)

4. There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works. (Alan J. Perlis)
   有两种方法能写出没有错误的程序；但只有第三种好用。(Alan J. Perlis)

5. Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. (Donald Knuth)
   小心上面代码中的bug；我只知道这些代码是正确的，但没有试过。(Donald Knuth)

Software / End Product Quotes
软件产品/成品语录

1. Before software can be reusable it first has to be usable. (Ralph Johnson)
   软件能够复用前，它必须要可用。(Ralph Johnson)

2. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it’s released. Beta is Latin for “still doesn’t work”. (Anonymous)
   软件通常在beta测试完成不久后发布。Beta在拉丁语中是“还不能用”的意思。(Anonymous)

3. The best performance improvement is the transition from the nonworking state to the working state. (J. Osterhout)
   最好的性能改进是将软件从不能用的状态变成可用。(J. Osterhout)

4. The cheapest, fastest, and most reliable components are those that aren’t there. (Gordon Bell)
   最廉价、最快速、最可信赖的组件是那些还未出现的组件。(Gordon Bell)

5. I think Microsoft named .Net so it wouldn’t show up in a Unix directory listing. (Oktal)
   I think Microsoft named .Net so it wouldn’t show up in a Unix directory listing. (Oktal)

6. Software and cathedrals are much the same – first we build them, then we pray. (Sam Redwine)
   软件和教堂非常相似——建成之后我们就在祈祷。(Sam Redwine)

7. The software isn’t finished until the last user is dead. (Anonymous)
   除非最后一个用户死掉，软件是不会有完工的时候的。(Anonymous)

8. Most software today is very much like an Egyptian pyramid with millions of bricks piled on top of each other, with no structural integrity, but just done by brute force and thousands of slaves. (Alan Kay)
   如今的大部分软件都非常像埃及金字塔，由成千上万的石块一个摞一个构成，没有结构上的集成，是由暴力强制和成千上万的奴隶完成。(Alan Kay)

原文：http://theprofessionalspoint.blogspot.com　需要翻墙，在2013年9月日志归档当中。